Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
