I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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