Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
