I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
