I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
where does the pee come out of this thing
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
