WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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