remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
