OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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