Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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