You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
