i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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