We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
