Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.

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(415): View more from California

there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am

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(208): View more from Idaho

My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed

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(815): View more from Illinois

There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.

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(206): View more from Washington

He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning

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(619): View more from California

We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?

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(727): View more from Florida

Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”

(206): View more from Washington

Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!

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