I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
