I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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