Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
