Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
