Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
