if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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