Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize