I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
