Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
