There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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