I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
