I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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