I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
