We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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