WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm both gender and math confused
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
