i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
