Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
