I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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