When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
