there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
