there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
