What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
