Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
