dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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