More tranny stories later!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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