I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
