What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You ruined the universe
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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