at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
