Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
