I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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