My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
