Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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