Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
