1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
