i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
