if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
