i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
