ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
