I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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