wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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