Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
