didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
