You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
