Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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