She's JV to your varsity
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
