i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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