I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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