so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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