I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
