We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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