RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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