I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
