last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize