if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
