I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
